Way beyond nervous

My son is a comedian. As he's gotten older he's developed a wit that is a great deal like one of my brothers. I'm happy and relieved to know he's funny. He's funnier than I am. I like it that he gets me laughing and surprises me.

A graduate class I took last semester focused on care giving and this role in our lives. We will all be car givers or need care giving in our lifetime. Nobody likes to think about this, but it is true. I learned some things maybe I knew if I would have thought about it very long, and some new things. Women are most often caregivers (in most cultures) mostly to their financial detriment. Men and women see care giving in very different ways. The health care system and caregiver system are disconnected. Caregivers get little support and perform all kinds of crazy high tech medical procedures they aren't prepared to perform. There are caregivers that are overlooked in this society and one major one that is the role of child as caregiver.

I can't say enough good things about this teacher or this class. The bottom line: Get long term care insurance when you are young and it is cheap and keep it forever. If not you will be screwed because maybe your daughter-in-law will not like you and send you away to some dreadful place (the experience of our guest speaker...the daughter-in-law) when she can.

Last week my stepson was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. We know more this week about this disease than we ever imagined we would. It is totally manageable. He is a champ. Kids adapt better than grownups. Right now there is shock. Later there will be a peace with this situation. His situation, but we are all his supporters, so all of our situations from now on. Forever more. Carb counting. Blood testing. Injecting. Worrying. Checking. Preparing. Packing everything everywhere all the time. Co-paying. Remembering. Praying. Amen.

In the hospital I was giving my first real-life injection to Mr. A and asked my son to distract Mr. A from my nervousness. He jumped up without a breath of hesitation, pulled up his own sleeve, grabbed the green white-board marker from the hospital room white board and started drawing a large green scribble on his arm dancing around and saying, "Your dad wears a rainbow wig!" The speed of his impromptu distraction brought the room to laughter. Shot done.

Another night my son also asked the desk of nurses how many carbs were in a booger.

Again, laughs.

Thinking about my class, I hope my son knows that being a part of a family is responsibility in part, but it isn't his job to do all the cheering up all the time. We will all help with Mr. A's care including Mr. A, but childhood is something that we enjoyed and they should too. The care taking and worrying will be something from which we can shield them. At least mostly. At least I hope.

The most quotable quotation, and most telling and sweet and painful and deep yet funny quote came from Mr. A. He was going to test my son's blood for a turn-around...show-him-what-it-is-like. We changed out the needle, set the dial, cocked the pin, handed the device to Mr. A. He smiled for this chance at big brother. My son extended his finger bravely, then had a second thought. "I'm nervous" he said backing away as if that's all he had to say to get out of this one little blood test that will be a part of Mr. A's life for the rest of his life.

To his "I'm nervous" comment Mr. A responded with increasingly large hand motions to emphasis each word. "I'm WAY. BEYOND. NERVOUS!"

My son stepped up and took the jab and we checked his blood sugar. Normal. He got tag out of that game.

To hear Mr. A's emphasis, awareness, knowledge of how far past nervous he was...wow.

We want to take this from him, but we can't. We can help keep the balance of love, play, responsibility, care giving, teamwork, family in check. We'll add these things to the list, and we'll put them in our day packs everyday.