40-something

I don't mind being in my 40's.

When I turned 30 I felt and believed the motto "Life begins at 30!!!" and lived that decade full-on-non-stop-do-not-look-back as if it was going to be my last. It was jam-packed with joys, accomplishments, and love, but also pain and plenty of lessons. I became a mom in my 30's, earned a doctoral degree in my 30's, met my best truest love in my 30's, also, I moved ahead in my career, got to know a tribe of women with whom I hope to always be connected. In that decade I also had way way way more than my share of unabashed moments of pure joy, laughter, bliss, play, awe, and took soul-flipping-heart-flipping leaps of faith from which I mostly landed on my feet or well padded rump. Unscathed from risks and adventures that I might not have deserved to pass through so well wised-up but not scarred-up. Blessed is how I feel when I reflect on that time in my life.

Upon turning 40, I reproclaimed that life, once again, began right then. Women just a few years older than I said it was true. The 40's are REALLY where it all begins for women. I had goals set for this decade. Big ones. More than the last.

One year in, work has been more demanding than I anticipated. There was that national conference my office hosted. That took a chunk out of my 40th year, and my soul. The conference put me behind at my real job for half the year. Then we had our reinactment of our wedding. That was something wonderful. It was a clear demonstration of how many kind brothers and sisters (both blood and friend) we have in this universe. The wedding party was incredible, but all consuming. We are still working on thank you notes six months past. With time clipping away and big dreams not coming alive for me as they did in my 30's I was feeling low.

Then a friend took me to hear a motivational speaker. He said many things but the one I wrote down was, "A dream delayed is not a dream denied". Hearing that was all it took to turn my attitude around. Nope, I didn't leap into my 40's hurdling my imagined goals in sucession. But I will ge there. I will continue to move forward when the moments are right. When I create time to work on the projects that I know will be waiting.

I also realize that the, in retrospect, blink of my 30's only seems like a blink. When I was in the middle of those years, the accomplishments didn't always feel like they came so easily. There were many tears, detours, near misses, and threats to give up, quit, even if I only threatend those things to myself. This time, too, will seem like it was just a short stint once more time has past. The fun times, big moments, happy afternoons and putting away the to-do list will be remembered fondly, but time will wash away memories of the hectic pace I feel right now.

Recently I was spending time with a new group of women and they were talking about how much they love being in their 50's. This group looks young and acts vibrant. One of them paused, put her hand on my knee and very seriously said to me (as if to reassure me), "Truly, just wait. Life really begins at 50".

I'll work on this decade's motto for now, and get to that one and embrace it in about nine years.